XMen Behaving Badly
by emmymae
Summary: Various accounts of embarrassing moments the XMen would like to forget. Ch. 1 up: Gambit and Rogue are late for a mission briefing and the reason involves whipped cream! Enjoy. Rated M for safety, but not too naughty.


Disclaimer: The X-Men, associated characters, and likenesses are the exclusive property of the Marvel Company. This is a work of fan fiction and no profit is being made from it.

A/N: This doesn't take place during any specific period of continuity. These episodes are not connected in any way. I have used poetic license in regards to what characters are included and their actions and words.

Ch. 1: Caught in the act

_The X-Men arrive onstage, members including Cyclops, Wolverine, Storm, Nightcrawler, Iceman, Bishop, Beast, Psylocke, Jean Grey, Jubilee, Cecilia Reyes, Colossus, and Kitty Pryde. They are all gathered for a mission briefing and are impatiently awaiting Gambit and Rogue's arrival. They soon come on dressed only in their underwear with whipped cream covering their bodies._

**Cyclops: **You're late.-

**Jubilee: **_(Staring at Gambit and Rogue, mouth agape.) _You're, like, naked.

**Kitty: **That's obvious, you idiot.

**Jean: **Glad you two finally got the message.

**Rogue: **_(Very dazed and hung-over.) _Oh, sugah, don't mind us. Remy an' Ah jus' got drunk lahst naight.

**Cecilia: **_(To Beast.) _Does this happen often?

**Beast: **More than I should admit, my dear.

**Iceman: **Why didn't you invite me?

**Rogue: **Yoah too cold, Bobby. (_She staggers across the stage. Gambit's feet collapse underneath him.)_

**Storm: **Rogue, what happened to him?!

**Rogue: **Sorrah, y'all, Ah forgot 'bout mah powahs.

**Colossus: **This is most irregular, comrades.

**Wolverine: **How many times do I hafta tell ya not to drink?

**Rogue: **Ah was thinkin' that Ah still had some o'yoah healin' factor.

**Nightcrawler: **God be with us.

**Cyclops: **_(To Rogue.) _You obviously have very bad judgment.

**Gambit: **_(Trying to get up.) _How long's dat stick been up yo' ass, Scotty boy?

**Cyclops: **_(About to optic blast him.) _That's the last straw, LeBeau!!! You're out of the X-Men! _(Suddenly, a psionic katana hits Cyclops and he falls to the ground. Everyone stares at Psylocke.)_

**Psylocke: **Pardon me, boys. Tsk, tsk, such a waste.

**Jean: **Betsey! You killed my husband! _(She goes into Phoenix mode and they begin to fight.) _Prepare to die!!!

**Beast: **Not again. This happens every week.

**Cecilia: **Coming here was not my idea.

**Bishop: **It wasn't mine either.

**Cecilia: **_(Amorously.) _Oh, hello, I didn't see you there.

**Bishop: **Don't get any ideas-

**Colossus: **He's mine. _(He and Bishop embrace.)_

**Kitty: **Piotr, how could you?

**Nightcrawler: **Meine freunds, ve have a situation on our hands!

**Storm: **By the Goddess, don't you incompetents know anything? Someone forgot to give Jean her chocolate this morning. _(She pulls out a chocolate bar and carefully presents it to Jean.) _Jean...I have a chocolate bar.

**Jean: **Chocolate..._ (She telekinetically lifts the chocolate bar, opens the package, and greedily eats it. She is suddenly back to normal.) _Thank you, Ororo.

**Iceman: **That's it? That's all we had to do?

**Beast: **Bobby, if you had bothered to stick around for more than a few issues at a time, you would have known that.

**Iceman: **Rub it in why don't you, you furball.

**Beast: **_(Pretending to be stabbed á la Shakespeare.) _Oh, Drake, thou hast wounded me with your ravishing intellect.

**Gambit: **What about me?

**Kitty: **Sorry, we forgot you were here.

**Jubilee: **But he's, like, such a sex god.

**Wolverine: **That's what ya used t'say about me.

**Rogue: **Is there somethin' ya ain't tellin' meh?

**Kitty: **Jubes slept with Gambit, Jubes slept with Gambit..._ (A psionic katana from Psylocke hits her and she falls down.)_ Oww, meanie._ (Jubilee runs off in shame. Psylocke slinks out slowly.) _

**Beast: **_(Escorting Cecilia out.) _My dear let us pursue a worthier task.

**Rogue: **_(Passing out.) _Ah jus' knew it...

**Gambit: **Mon Dieu. Y'all still gon' kick me out?

**Storm: **Of course not. We like you too much. _(She licks the whipped cream off his back.)_

**Cyclops: **_(Getting up.) _What is this? A dessert convention?

**Iceman: ** I don't wanna know. _(He exits.)_

**Wolverine: **You're all sick! _(He storms off.) _

**Bishop: **Come on, Petey, let's get outta here. _(He and Colossus exit.)_

**Kitty: **Wait for me!!! _(She runs after them.)_

**Jean: **_(Taking Cyclops' arm.) _Scott, it's best we handle this mission ourselves. _(They exit. Nightcrawler exits in a puff of smoke. Rogue gets up, carefully creeps up behind an unsuspecting Storm, and puts her hand on her face, causing Storm to pass out. She then shoots a lightening bolt at Gambit, who successfully dodges it.)_

**Gambit: **Come on, chère, ya still love me, right?

**Rogue: **Talk ta tha hand, 'cause tha Rogue ain't listenin'. _(She kicks him in the crotch. He yelps in pain.)_

**Gambit: **_(Squeakily.) _Rogue... _(Lights down.)_


End file.
